Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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