I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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