weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
