she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
