Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
