I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
