i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
