If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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