you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
