whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize