um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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