You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
