Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
