forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
