I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
