Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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