It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
