I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize