we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will be naked everywhere
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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