He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
