I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
