she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
