It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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