where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
