I love black thongs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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