So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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