i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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