Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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