Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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