How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize