I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
