i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.