Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.