Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
