You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
