Im at strip club and am horny
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
