oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
