I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
