Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
