I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I will die if light touches me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Randomize
