Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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