My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
