Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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