I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
