I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
