the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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