I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
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just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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