I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
