Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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