It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
