I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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