If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
