Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
