my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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