Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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