Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
