Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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