When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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