Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
