My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
