Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
