I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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