Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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