Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
